True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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