just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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