Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
