woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
