Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
