he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
