somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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