The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
