It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
