We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
