I haven't been this sober since birth.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
