i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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