my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize