my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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