and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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