There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
