Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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