Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
