I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
