Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
