The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
