i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
