Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
