I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
