That's when you crack a 10am beer
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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