His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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