Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This is my gift to your gina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
