im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize