Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
