The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
