did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
