I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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