It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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