Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
