she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is it penis luge time yet?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
