i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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