well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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