I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
