I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
