We're facebook friends in real life
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
