she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
