Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
