I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So here I am, sexting at work.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
