I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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