The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
