My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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