I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
