you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
