He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
