Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
