Your dad touched me again.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
