you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
