I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
