a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
