YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
