PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
