I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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