I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
