I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
