That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
