Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
50% drunk capacity currently
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
