This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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