actually, I'm a sock model
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
