Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
