I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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