Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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