he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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