I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
